I just want it to be you and me forever. I know you wanna leave, so baby be with me so happily. #songwalkinghome #lyricsgonewrong
Srsly tho I’m so sleepy already please let me sleep, thoughts!!!!!! :(
Yesterday’s experience just brought a awkward to a whole new level and I can’t even asdfghjkl -.-
The conversation goes like this:
Kuya John Doe aka Mr Chair (HAHAHA): PM please. (Asking for our names)
Me: (spells four-letter name)
Kuya JD: Rostrum ka? (AND ATE MIA WAS AT THE BACK SMOKING CIGARETTES AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO ANSWER)
Me: Uhh, (looks at ate Mia) what am I supposed to say? (laughs awkwardly)
Ate Mia: Rostrum yan. (looks at me back knowingly)
Okay. Seriously, Ate Mary Claire, you are too kind. Altho I stated “Honorary Member” in my certification, I never took myself to ACTUALLY being a member. Wells, wells. Sorry’s are in order. Oh and thank you for making me feel awkward again during our chit-chat. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Shame.
Here’s another conversation:
IIT WIP: You look so familiar. Do I know you somewhere? (and she did that with such a kickass demeanor I thought I actually wronged her or did something to aggravate her whatever and I couldn’t think of anything because I have only set foot once in IIT during my 20 years of existence)
Me: Huh? (shocked. and before I can even answer she….)
IIT WIP: Do you have a movie? For the JPIA?
IIT DPM: Aaah that! Yeah, ikaw yung sa movie?
Icing: (the damsel in shining armor hahahaha) Ahh oo, sya yung sa movie namin.
Ate Jacel (another of my cool heroines): Mga artista man kasi to sila (referring to Icing and I).
IIT DPM & WIP: Ano nga ulit yung movie nyo? Yung Aya Bo Singanin?
Icing: Oo, yung All That I’m Asking For.
IIT DPM: Ano pala yung ibig sabihin ng singanin?
Me: Prayer? Or something like wish? Yung parang ganon..
IIT ppl: Aaah.
AWKWAAAAAARD!! I mean, I couldn’t even speak for myself. Luckily those people were behind me. Backup!
On a separate note, another awkward feels is going on in my inbox. Anon, if you only know how much I want to post my reply but… Alhamdulillah the circumstances have changed. Thank you for such warm praises I feel I don’t even deserve. We are humans, and we are subject to ordeals. Always. In the process of struggling I have learned that we just have different stories. If you actually came to appreciate or admire me because of one instance in my life which you think I have walked through beautifully if not so gracefully, then, I tell you, there’s no need for that. Some people even have it worse than I do. Alhamdulillah. Anyway, I feel so inadequate. I don’t know. I feel really weird when I get praised maybe because I know deep inside who I really am. And I know I am not worthy it. Allahumma-ja’lni khayran mima yadhunoon wa-ghfir li ma la ya’lamoon wa la tu’akhidhni bi ma yaquloon. Ameen. :)
But anyway, I still think I should thank you for your words. Thank you for your well wishes. We hope our batch reaps what we have sown forn 5 years, in shaa Allah! Thank you for taking time to read all the BS*itism I have poured out and listening to my #failrecords! At times I feel like it’s good to know not to blog in vain, but… I want to walk lightly upon this earth now. Alhamdulillah. :)
"Kung saan-saan na lang kasi kami umiiyak." (Dipatuan, 2014)
"Busy kasi ako. Busy umiyak." (Guimbor, 2014)
I am running out of wits. Torn at the seams. Falling off the edge. One month to go and I would give my all just so I can make it. And if I don’t get to the end, you’ll know where to find me.
No storytelling. Just feelings.
I’m fine. I’m fine. And He can heal me.
When you lay in bed for a long time and then you recount the days of your life, you suddenly realise that it’s the 14th. The 14th of February. And it only means one thing - the death anniversary of someone you really love.
I find it heartbreaking that she passed away with my days spent with her not even amounting to a year. I miss her so much, I miss her although I can’t even remember so much of her anymore. That’s what hurts the most. Not being able to spend time with her while I can. Heck, I promised her one thing and I wasn’t even able to fulfill it. I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
I know you waited for me, but time came you couldn’t anymore. I’m sorry. I love you. So much. I thank God for giving me someone like you. Alhamdulillah.
I’m glad I’m home.
I thought the best way I could deal with this emptiness was an escape but I was wrong - it wasn’t a one-way ticket to greatness, it was two-way heading back to this black hole. And I can’t even tell whether I went home with less baggage than I originally brought or not.
But the experience was worth it. Worth all the heart-wrecking movies, the throat-scratching screaming, the heart-skipping contact (SLKFLAKDJGHJCVNMZCVLEWRIAUWEYJSBDVMNXJLKDHFJAKGHKAJTFGKHCGNBFJHSDFGIYUETRYUEG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and whatevah.
Okay natandaan ko na naman. At nawala na ako sa concentration. Gaad, I can’t explain. Basta yun na yun. Maybe it was all the lights making you look good, or you just looked so good, or I just have to tell myself to move on because there’s absolutely no way you’d actually look in my direction so long I could stare along with you. But no, I’m not that kinda girl. And no, you’re not that kinda guy. Trololol. HAHAHAHA. At kapag ikaw ay nakatawa, ako pa ba ay nakikita?
Your eyes.. Just, your eyes. ASDFGHJKL I CAN’T EVEN.
Feels like “wham!” something just hit me so freakin’ hard in the guts and then i feel like puking. Gaad I don’t know. *sobs hard*
Didn’t know a two and a half minute trailer could make me tear up just by watching it. This movie. I HAVE TO WATCH THIS MOVIE NO MATTER WHAT
List of recommended students for graduation got posted today and I don’t know how and what to feel. I don’t know. I am confused. Maybe this is the pre-graduation drama I’ve been hearing all these years and right now, I don’t know if I still look forward to more of this.
One month. One month to right the wrongs, one month to reconcile, one month to make it. One month less room for mistakes. (Which, substantially actually accounts for like, 7 months more)
What I’m trying to say is I’m scared. Scared to death. Please, pray for me and my batchmates. Always. :’(